,..Hello, my name is Bridget, and my blog is about my research in my quest
to change my lifestyle as I move into the next phase of my life. I am not a nutritionist, a dietician, fashion designer or food scientist. I am just someone ready to get fitter and researching how I want to do it. As I record my finding, I decided to share with anyone else who might find it useful.
I am 50+ years past, post-menopausal, flaccid with an under-active thyroid. 5 years post cancer and ready to celebrate my life. I barely wear make-up and have spent most of my life in a uniform or joggers. Starting a diet every Monday and usually finish by Wednesday. Always go out on Sunday and spend a fortune on my new Diet ingredients ready to start Monday. By Wednesday I have either eaten all or it will sit in the cupboard till the sell by dates pasted. I did succeed once on a plant-based diet for 4 weeks. I lost about 8 pounds, but the celebration on achieving that soon corrected that weight loss.
In my teens and twenties, I travelled a good part of the world drinking and partying. I didn’t worry about weight too much. The 30s and 40s owned a business and raised a family. Like most people the weight started to creep on slowly after each child. I got diagnosed with hyperthyroidism age 40 and cancer age 47 and at that point the weight piled on. Still didn’t bother me enough to do much.
Another reason the weight crept on unnoticed is because I also suffer from a condition called Reverse Body Dysmorphia. I have always believed I am slimmer than I really am. The thing with suffering from RBD is we know we are overweight; we just truly don’t believe we are. I am in full denial. when I observe my side profile in shop windows, I know it’s lying, clothes sizes are wrong and shop mirrors are distorted. I joke about this with friends. But deep down I actually believe I am about 2 sizes smaller; I just dress wrong.
When I see weight loss programmes and a heavy person mentions their weight and I realise they weigh less than me. My first reaction is to say to my husband, “do I look that big?” His immediate reaction is to smile and reply. “no, never dear” ( he has been playing this game for 20 years. He knows the rules and answers well.) I believe him without question, and our marriage survives another day.
But the ultimate kick in the gut came in 2019. When after completing treatment we went on a family holiday to Porta Ventura World. Getting on to a roller-coaster ride with hubby and 2 teenagers. My hips didn’t quite fit in the sit properly because clearly the seats were too small.
Now, any woman whose hips pass the recognised normal average measurement, will know the problem of finding that one off chair that is a snug fit. You tilt your hips and cross your legs, giving the illusion that you are just sitting like a proper lady. (well that how I see it, everyone else is probably guessing I’m too fat for that chair.)
Anyway, after squeezing my hips in and pulling the bar down 1 click, the lady starts walking towards me pushing on everyone’s bar as she goes. You could hear the clicking of the safety bar as it locks into place. She reaches me and pushes on the bar, NO CLICK, she pushes again, then again, I kid you not, the woman straddles me and starts pushing with 2 hands. This would have hurt if I hadn’t suddenly noticed the hundreds of people in the queue and on the ride had gone silent. All eyes were now on me and I could feel the redness in my face starting to burn. it also could have been a hot flush. Either way it was visible.
I endured the pain for so long out of embarrassment (and to be honest the lady was persistent). Eventually I shouted enough. She raised her hand to the control room and shouted, “raise bar, she doesn’t fit”. The crowd was still silent as I exited the ride. I thought hold my head up high as I leave the ride. It was a stupid ride anyway. As I made my way to the exit I felt strong knowing at least I had a loving family behind me. Until I heard the words “so sorry mum.”
I turned around to see my family raise their hands in the air and start to scream as the ride left the station, leaving me all alone with hundreds of silent eyes staring at me, as I left the building with only my oversized arse behind me.
But having said all that, it is now 2024 and I still haven’t lost any weight so clearly, I still believe the seat was too small. So, I have now changed tact. I am no longer considering dieting to lose weight as clearly I don’t need to. I want to change my lifestyle to become strong for my older years, this is how I am selling it to myself.
So join me in my journey and hopefully maybe we can be a support system for each other.
I look forward to growing old disgracefully with you guys
Bridget xxx